I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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