In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
