i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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