I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
