Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
