Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
