At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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