I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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