we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
