He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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