Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
