If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
