I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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