Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
