I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
