I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Houston, we have a squirter
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
