please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do vagina's smell?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
