FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
