so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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