You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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