With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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