The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
