dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
