I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
