i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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