I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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