if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
