Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
