i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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