I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
