I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
