Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
