no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
