im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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