my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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