im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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