I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
