why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
