Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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