i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
