Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
porn star boner night. come get it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
