it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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