I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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