she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
