is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
