dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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