Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize