She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
