if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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