In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
