It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
