i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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