I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
