the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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