I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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