dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
