i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
