You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
