How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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