you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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