Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
