It's Friday. Sex?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
