God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
