so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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