It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Randomize
