well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
