I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
