Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
