i may or may not be watching the land before time
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just invented taco cereal.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
