THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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