I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
